i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I didn't notice because vodka
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
