Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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