it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize