currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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