Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He did a backflip because drugs
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
