New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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