Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
