Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
