Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
