she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So vagazzling was a success
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
