so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
