i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
