when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
