I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want nice things and good sex
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
