so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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