I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Randomize
