shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
