Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
