pop tarts are not kleenex
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
