we're chasing vodka with high fives
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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