You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
