Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
