Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
