There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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