i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
