OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am naked and annoyed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
