You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
