Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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