we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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