O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You ruined the universe
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
