when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
