So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
