I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
