He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
