when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
