How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
