I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
