i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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