hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
