It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
