I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
