Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
