That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
