is your mom at the bar?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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