So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
