Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
