Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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