so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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