Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
