And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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