Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
