I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize