I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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