so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
