the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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