I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
