I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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