i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
