I think i sorta joined a cult last night
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
