I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
