after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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