that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
