I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
