No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
