Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She told me I should be a condom model.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
