Reggie can tackle my bush.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
