I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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