i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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