All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
