I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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