Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Randomize
