I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
