I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
