its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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