Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
what day is it and did you see me today?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
