I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
