A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
