Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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