I like my sex mixed with concussions.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
