trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
