i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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